If you are reading this then chances are either you're freaking out about your kids forgetting or falling behind after losing the last chunk of the school year. Or maybe you're finding your brick and mortar school's support and distance teaching aren't working for your kids and you're wrestling with the concept of homeschooling (at least to supplement). It’s a huge task that many plan for years before taking the plunge, yet you've been forced to undertake this challenge overnight. If there is only one thing you take away from reading this, let it be it will all be ok. You CAN do this and your kids will be ok. Take deep breaths, as many as you need, then read on and I'll help get you started on an extremely rewarding uncommon parenting path.
There are many, many articles out there to help you get started on homeschooling or explaining the advantages of homeschooling and more methods, curriculum, and styles of homeschooling than you can learn about in all the years you will have your children at home. Right now you don’t need to know all the different options out there and you don’t need to find the correct method, style, or curriculum that will fit your kids’ learning styles. For now, in these unprecedented times, the most important thing is to learn to just be together. In homeschooling communities, we call this time “deschooling.” Children do not learn well when they are stressed, none of us do. Children also need to have an established relationship of trust for them to be receptive to what you are trying to teach them. It’s not that they don’t trust you as a parent, but if your lives have been busy and school has always been something done outside the home, this new form of education is going to be hard for your children to accept. You need to build a different relationship with them before they will trust you in the role of a teacher.
The First Step
So, the first thing for you to do if you are struggling is to put away the schoolwork and limit screen time. Let your teacher know that your family needs to take a break this week and you will get back to assignments next week. Pretend this was a pre-planned vacation. Now that that stress has been removed, find a new normal for your family. Discover the routine that works best and cultivate it. Pay attention for the next few days to the rhythms and patterns you and your children follow naturally. Are you morning people waking early and jumping right into discussions, reading or projects, or does your family wake slowly and get going later in the day? Do your children have a lot of energy that they need to run off before they can sit still? Do they stare out the window and daydream frequently? Do they need to move constantly and prefer “doing” over reading or listening? Limiting screen time allows these natural rhythms to become obvious more quickly, but even when they are using the screen, notice what your children are drawn towards. Do they play video games first thing in the morning and watch shows later in the day?
During this time of transition, be sure to do fun things as a family. Read books together, play board games, go for walks, prepare meals together, do chores together, ask your children questions about themselves and tell them about yourself and your childhood. Have fun and get to know each other better.
While you are building that relationship, look for the best way to fit in seated academic work. Some kids need to run around for 15 minutes for every 15 minutes of seated work they do. Other kids need to wake up slowly and can concentrate better later in the day. Still others wake up and are ready for their most intellectual work right away. It is ok if your children are different from you. It is ok if your children are different from each other. All you are doing right now is observing. Be sure to take notes and feel free to let your children know what you are doing. Older children, in particular, may be happy to participate in figuring out when and how they learn best.
Now that you have had a week (or more if you need it) to get to know each other in these new ways, you can start to bring the academic work back in. Here we need to split into different paths. If you are doing school at home there is a different path than those who are taking the plunge into homeschooling. One is not better than the other, they are just different and need to be approached differently.
What are your goals?
This time of observing and being together is a great time to also be thinking about what your most important goals are for your family, your children, and their education. Don’t be shy about putting the “obvious” things down! It is said that the most successful people begin with the end in mind. It’s a lot easier to hit the target if you know what it is. :)
Here are some ideas from other Catholic home educators:
- I want my kids to become who God is calling them to be.
- I want my kids to love and get along with each other.
- I want to have great relationships with all my kids.
- I want my kids to enjoy learning and grow into self-motivated learners.
- I want my kids to grow into independent adults, healthy in body, mind, and spirit.
When we write down these goals, parents are often surprised to find that we are stressed out over less-important things, sometimes at the expense of the more important.
School at home or Homeschooling?
School at home means your children are enrolled in a school that provides all the curriculum and oversight. School officials decide what work is to be done and when, and they do the grading and tracking; the main task of parents is to make sure the children do their work. Children in school at home have a teacher who works with them when they have questions and generally there will be time for instruction, usually in a virtual classroom. The role of parents is to support their children within the school and to keep the school informed about anything they need to know to help your child.
In homeschooling, on the other hand, parents take a more active role. Parents choose the curriculum or even put their own curriculum together and they handle the tracking, grading and much of the teaching. Homeschooling parents may outsource certain subjects by having their children take classes taught by others, but they are ultimately responsible for the entirety of their children’s education. Not everyone can or should homeschool. In addition, many homeschoolers fluctuate between brick and mortar, school at home and homeschooling over the course of their children’s education. If you decide to homeschool now, bear in mind that it is not a “forever” decision. It is simply what you choose as best for your child or children right now. That might change in the future, and that is OK.
School At Home
As you add academics into your day be aware that doing school at home should take less time than a standard school day. There are many horror stories out there from families who have been overwhelmed with giant packets of assignments that require hours of work every day for their elementary school kids. No one actually expects you to complete all that work! Busywork has a place in classroom management, but is likely just a burden for you. If you have been overwhelmed with a bunch of busywork, be sure to let your teacher know. They will work with you. Remember, many of them have never tried to educate this way and they are learning too!
Every child is different, but a good rule of thumb is that you can do all the academic work from a standard school day in about 3-4 hours for upper elementary and 1-2 hours for lower elementary grades. Add in some read-aloud time and you have accomplished a lot!
High school has slightly different requirements and expectations. The most important thing for your high schooler is to work with their teachers. You and your child should have a clear understanding of what is expected of them and your role is to help them as needed to meet those goals. The hours of work will be longer, but fortunately, your high schooler should be pretty independent. If they have any struggles there are many resources out there to help them - and be sure to keep their teachers in the loop about any struggles too! Khan Academy, Hippocampus.com, and Purple Math are all wonderful free resources to use. They offer videos to help with concepts in math, science, history and a variety of other subjects.
Homeschooling
If you have ever felt a pull towards homeschooling, this is a great time to take the plunge! Today, more resources are available than ever before, and truth be told, choosing between great options might be the most difficult part.
HSLDA has a great guide to get you started on homeschooling, at hslda.org/quickstart.
Families First
Now that you have established a routine and have started adding in some academics there are a few other things about life at home you need to keep in mind. Part of your routine needs to include chores, exercise, hygiene, and prayer. It may seem silly to have to point these things out, but life at home without outside activities can distract even the most focused of individuals. Days can blur into one another and it can be hard to remember the last time you stepped outside or took time to pray. It is worth it to find a way to fit in these things regularly. Look for natural times where you can tuck something in. For example, prayer as part of your children’s bedtime routine, going for a walk right after breakfast, or sending kids outside to run around right after morning schoolwork. Your middle school child may benefit from having a routine that includes a shower first thing in the morning before breakfast or in the evening right before bed.
Whatever routine your family has, it is absolutely critical to have your children help out around the house. Your children need to know how to do basic things like clean up after themselves, how to do laundry, wash dishes, cook and help out with younger siblings. These are life skills that they will need as adults and when you are all at home full-time, it will be messier, making the help of your children that much more essential.
Many homeschoolers and school at home families have experienced burnout because of trying to do too much for too long. Whether you school at home or homeschool it is important to pace yourself. Education is a marathon, not a sprint. Learning is a lifelong process. There will be time for your children to learn. Most schools and curricula go over the same material multiple times over the years and they will go over it again in college. In fact, most school teachers in most years do not complete the textbook. Your children will be ok and any holes in their education will get filled in as they go through life.
Give yourself and your children some grace during this difficult time. Yes, your house will be a mess, your children will disobey, and life will go on with you all learning lessons and growing along the way. There is no one-size-fits-all family model, educational model or life! Be flexible and roll with things adjusting your schedule and goals as you go along. You don’t have control and you never really have. Ask God to give you the graces you need, since he has entrusted you with your children’s education. Be gentle with yourself and your children. At the end of the day, your relationship with your children matters more than any academic education they get.
While you work the new routine with academic work, chores, exercise, and prayer don’t neglect the relationship you have built as a family. Take time to keep doing fun things together; play games, go for walks and talk. Those lines of communication are the foundation of your relationship, and your relationship will outlast these short months or years where you educate at home.
What is most important, academically
You already have the list of your most important goals, and it’s helpful to refer back to them regularly. They aren’t set in stone, so adjust them if you need to. Yet, they will give you a frame from which to evaluate how you’re doing on what’s really important.
On the academic side, most educators agree that reading, writing, math, and reasoning are the basic foundation for all education. As Catholics, we would add that continuing to learn about our faith and to put it into practice is another essential, one that might be especially important in difficult times. Most other things are easy to catch up on, but those skills take the most time to master and therefore are important to work on continually one way or another.
Kindergarten - 2nd grade: Make sure to add in lots of breaks between short bursts of academic work. Don’t expect them to be able to concentrate for more than about 15 minutes at a time and 2 hours is a lot of work for them. If your child is having a rough day and needs to do other things that is ok too. Read to kids in this age group as much as you can. Little kids need to feel safe and have lots of time for snuggling and being read to. As far as chores, these little ones can unload dishes, set the table, wash laundry with help and clean up after themselves pretty well with a little training. You might be surprised at how quickly they jump in to help when you express the need. Though we parents often want to wait until they get more capable before asking them to help, this is actually a great age to do so because the children are generally much more willing, even excited, to get to do the “big person” jobs.
3rd-5th grade: These kids are proudly becoming more independent. They still need breaks to get up and move around, but generally, they can sit for 30-45 minutes at a time for lessons. At this age, they start to grasp the concept of reason which can lead to some very interesting and exciting conversations. Plan for maybe 3 hours of academic work a day increasing slowly as they get older. They can help out more around the house too and work more independently.
6th-8th grade: Some people refer to this age as the second toddlerhood. Hormones make emotions run high and these kids can get frustrated easily. Make sure to allow a lot of breaks and get these kids moving! They need exercise to work out some of their emotional turmoil. They can work more independently and will start to resist parental interference with their plan. Make sure to include them in setting the schedule and allow them some freedom to choose when and how they will do the things they need to do. Academically, these kids can generally work for a longer period of time and school work will likely take 4 or so hours a day. Depending upon your family culture they may already be doing a lot of chores and helping out around the house, but if not then they can learn quickly how to do any chores.
High school: High schoolers tend to be pretty independent and their workload varies depending upon their goals and classes. Their emotions tend to be a bit more settled and they are starting to look outside the family for support and to help them establish their identity. A lot of homeschoolers utilize outside classes (either virtual or in-person) or school programs to help their teens grow and own their education. When you are working on the schedule it may be best to allow your high schoolers to set their own once you agree upon some essentials like family meals and prayer time.
Resources
From there it's just a matter of building and becoming comfortable with your routine. It seems daunting but once you get some practice and find your rhythm your family will be chugging along in no time. If you still need some help getting going consider joining our group to connect with Catholic homeschoolers from all over the metro area many of whom have years of experience and are happy to share advice. If you’ve got questions you can reach out and we’ll help you individually. Most importantly enjoy the special bonds with each of your children as you become more involved in their education, future goals, and “ah-ha” moments breaking through roadblocks along the way!
Getting started
